Words and thoughts are sinking into my heart, reminding me of the imperfect person that I am. Past mistakes, regrets, fears - how can these things be made into something beautiful, when sometimes life around you and the people around you just make you hurt.
Recently, a close friend of mine expressed her feelings of my inadequacies. My first response was one of acceptance and appreciation that she would be honest. However, after pondering our conversation, my thoughts quickly turned to one of hurt. Hurt that this friend would pull away from me as a result of my inadequacies; hurt that I was not "good enough" to make the relationship work. Maybe the hardest was the feeling of being unloved and unaccepted just as I am. These thoughts spurred that question once again so many of us keep asking ourselves, "Am I good enough?" "How do I be good enough?"
Revelation 1:12-16 give us a picture of Jesus. This is a picture of a being that is so great and hard to even imagine. This being of white hair and face with eyes that blaze of fire and a face that shines like the sun sounds like a god we would see on the latest "Avengers" movie. John in Revelation goes on to describe Jesus with a double edge sword coming out of His mouth and a voice like the sound of rushing waters. This being is describe with absolute power and authority over everything. I can just picture something like this on a movie looking over a sea of faceless people ready to display His power. In verse 17, John "fell at his feet as though dead".
International Bible study fellowship on their study of Revelation asks this question, "John was a close friend of Jesus.... What does this reaction to seeing the glorified Jesus teach you and how does this impact the way you approach him in worship?" As I pondered this question, I was well aware that just the power and majesty and authority that is Jesus demands my worship and surrender to Him. But I realized that it is not necessarily this majesty that has my heart of worship. This being of majesty and indescribable power; this person of complete authority over everything is not just some far off power, but He is my closest friend. Can you even picture it? How can a being of this greatness not just see a sea of faceless people, but instead call me his friend. This person that could end everything with one word, cares about every hair on my head. This image that brings both fear and power loves every part of me and even delights in me! Zephaniah 3:17 writes "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing".
This is not a god who looks over a crowd of faceless people. This is a God greater than anything else and anything that we can imagine, yet sees not only each face, but each heart, each fear, each hope, each hurt, and each inadequacy and loves each one deeply. It grabs my heart and brings me to my knees. It melts away the hurt, the inadequacy, the fear of who I am and not being good enough. It makes me love despite of myself and despite others.
Know His great love and friendship of you and be awed by the greatest being loving you with an unfailing love.
As these thoughts were melting away the hurt, fear, and pain, Kristian Stanfill's song "One Thing Remains" came on the radio. "His love never fails, it never gives up". This is who we serve and worship. This is who will take our inadequacies and still use them for something beautiful because He delights in us. This is the love that melts away our hurt and fear as we find our hope in Him. Praise the Lord and all Glory and Honor be to Him forever, my Savior, my God, and my dearest friend!
